trafalgar

i wish you could pick me up
and in our lightness
disappear from the world completely

I have nowhere else to put it, no one to tell it to, but I do think of you a lot, you from long long long ago, you who is far far far away. Well, I just wanted to put it down so that it is recorded. Lazy eye for you like samba.

I am back from a six day holiday in Puerto Princesa, Palawan and I must say I had a wonderful time. Time was slow, food was good, company was great, air was clean, nature was in bloom. I could live there forever. We had so much time but we weren't able to do all the touristy things, we'll save some for the next time! Because we are returning, definitely. A lot of my friends have said that Puerto Princesa isn't anything special, that Coron is much better, that the underground river is nothing special. But the place blew me. If people did not think the cave was a wonder of nature, what is? The waves of Sabang were wonderful as well. It beats Boracay and hundred times over. What are people talking about?

I vacationed with my mom, my dad and my tita. It was perfect. My tita is also a doctor and had some ongoing projects in the area, we visited one morning. It was optional, but we wanted it, to see another side of palawan. We went to one of the high schools in San Rafael. The children were about to have elections for student council for the next school year, so it was time of campaigning and speeches. Some of the kids were afraid of needles while others assured them that it wasnt more than an ant bite. The kids all spoke tagalog -- not the local dialect. Afterward we went to one of the beaches in the San Rafael coast - waves were strong, the beach was coral-y, there were two trees in the water. The place we dropped by was a small hotel owned by a british married to a filipina. We then headed to Viet Ville which was a bit disappointing, in terms of food. Still okay nevertheless. Part of the overall experience. So that was the second day. I wont be doing this in chronological order by the way. Who cares about those things nowadays anyway, and especially since i havent written in ages anyway.

Food. Okay food was awesome. Seafood was fresh, cooking was back to basics - simple grilling and soups and vegetables. Food was also really cheap. I had a casoy coffee two times -- the casoy was in paste form, used as the coffee's sweetener, and it gave the coffee this wonderful nutty flavor. I had their banana chips and casoy nuts and both were just so good. The food in Badjao Seafront and Ka Lui as others have written about were very good. We also one time bought fish and shrimp and vegetables in the market and cooked it the house of a friend of my tita's --- it can't get better! We tried Neva's Witch Pizzas (or something of the sort) and invited the two girls working in the project -- good times. We also tried this little place, owned by a guy originally from Negros, worked for a while in Manila, and finally retired in Puerto Princessa -- the Chicken Ina-to was the specialty, so I tried it and it was wonderful. They mostly had Bisaya food. Simple cooking, no overpowering seasonings but the flavour was there, and the chicken was good. My dad had their Lomi, it was the small order but it was good for two!, and it too was very good.

We did some island touring - Starfish Island, Pandan Island and a reef that had a wonderful many fishes. I saw a squid catch a fish and start eating. By the time we were finish snorkling, the squid was still eating (it was in the deeper part of the sea - non-reef, near the boats). The sun cooperated. The winds were beautiful. All the people we met on the way - tourists, locals, boatmen, tricycle drivers, restaurant servers, people jogging and walking in the morning -- all of them were so friendly. The city filled everyones heart with its charm and beauty. I would go back. I miss it already. I miss it oh so very much.

Because of Palawan I am taking everything slowly. Why do we always rush? Where are we all going? Who is chasing us? Why be so stressed? Why frown? Why be pissed at everything and everyone? Why can't we smile and appreciate the morning? Why don't we eat a lot fruits and vegetables? Why so much fast food? Anyway, that was my trip, I loved it, I was charmed by it, I will never forget it. I've loved each place I've been to in the Philippines. We have a wonderful and beautiful country. I am lucky to have seen it, to be part of it, to be able to appreciate it.    

There must be one person who inspires you, perhaps through his works, vocation, ideas or triumphs.

And if he were still living, would you travel to be in the same city he lives? Would you go visit the city of his childhood?

you asked me to be the guardian
i kept my eyes open
saw all those people passing by
all the cars and trucks
and i watched you
as you did your rounds
as your cursed and sang to tunes
i watched you little habits
and your impatience
i saw when you were kind
and gave way to those who were right
sometimes you saw me
sometimes you even said hello
in your caring way
lately i've been getting ruffles on the head
and more and more hugs
for that i thank you
but i am still guardian
i am still the keeper and the watchman
and i will always see the people
the cars and trucks
and i will always watch you

[peb's pov made it up just now]

you stir my soul
which has been dormant
for some time
your smile is incredible
your eyes are searching
your whole being
gives me comfort
and stregth
i hope to one day
be able to give you my love
because i would give you all of it
all that you want
everything
it will all be yours
i wish that one day
you could see me that way
and love me too.
are we two lost souls
in a fish bowl?
make that round
and see me.

[found in a piece of paper in a notebook 9 Jan 2011]

How is it that you are able to make me smile?
How is it that you are able to make me look for you?

This is very much unexpected.

Just some thoughts after not writing again.

There is someone. (this is as open-ended as anyone can get)

Anyway I don't think I've liked anyone as much as him. 

This week and last week has been full of extreme emotions. I've had my fair share of tears of extreme frustration and sadness and i've also had such happy happy smiles. This week i've had a glimpse of a very sad nature of man (i don't ever wish to go there..please). I've been touched by such a generous act that i can almost call it beautiful. I also recently learned of very sad news which is heavy on my heart.

But the thing that stands out, i guess, is the was someone can make me feel. I had almost forgotten this. Everything that has been sleeping inside of me has just woken up. And it is really nice.

And about a project that my 2011 is all about, well -- it is moving. Although very slowly and at present still in the shadows... it is moving. That is all i can hope for at the moment.

And that is about it for updates.

Now, i kinda wish i had my own laptop to keep these thoughts. maybe  to get one?...since i may be needing it in the near future. *Hint. Hint.

I was reading a report and writing an analysis while listening to some conversation on the radio when I suddenly remembered that time in Perpignan when I stayed in a hostel far from the center of the town and when before going to the train station the next day, I waited it out in the park. It felt like a poor part of town and I was maybe 70% afraid. I can see it all so clearly in my head right now. As if I were there. As if I just did a time and soul travel.

And very timely, methinks:

Although you may not be able to stay focused today, you should be able to get by if you remember to be practical every time you need to make a choice. Your tendency now is to turn molehills into mountains and to believe that a mediocre idea is worth a million dollars. Don't get distracted by illusions of grandeur; instead of spending your time planning world domination, keep your feet on the ground and make sure to meet all of your obligations.